Why Banter Is Foreplay (and You Can’t Convince Me Otherwise)

A totally professional and definitely not unhinged essay by Ari Roper

Let’s just get one thing straight: if a love interest isn’t quick with a comeback, I’m bored. If a couple isn’t slinging verbal daggers laced with sexual tension by chapter three, I’m out. If a character doesn’t flirt like it’s a battle of wills where losing means kissing—what are we even doing here?

I believe, with every fibre of my sarcastic, Australian soul, that banter is the ultimate form of foreplay. It’s the slow-burn spark before the explosion. The lightning before the storm. The “I hate you” before the “I can’t stop thinking about your mouth.” And in my books? It’s practically a character trait.

Welcome to the wild, wicked world of snarky seduction.

🗡️ Banter: The Verbal Swordfight of Romance

I like to say banter is combat with the safety off. It’s two characters parrying back and forth—not with blades (well, sometimes with blades), but with wit. With words. With perfectly timed smirks and eyebrow raises and “oh, you think you’re clever?” energy.

In romantasy, this is where the magic happens. Literally and figuratively.

When I’m writing characters like Eira and Kael (Sarcasm & Seduction), or Arlowe and Caelum (The Knight Witch), I’m not just asking, “How do they fall in love?” I’m asking, “How do they test each other? How do they push buttons without touching skin? How do they turn annoyance into desire?”

And the answer, every time, is banter.

🖤 Banter Builds Tension Like a Slow Strip-Tease

There’s something inherently hot about restraint—not the physical kind (though I see you, rope kink readers)—but the kind where a character could say something sweet or soft, but instead chooses sarcastic. The kind where emotions are hidden under layers of snark because to reveal the truth would make them vulnerable.

It’s a tease. A challenge. A dare.

Here’s an example from Kael in Sarcasm & Seduction:

Eira: “I could stab you, you know.”

Kael: “If you’re trying to flirt, you’re going to have to do better than death threats.”

Sir. You are being threatened. Why are you smirking?

Because he wants her to do it again. Because that comment made his pulse race. Because words are just the warm-up act.

✨ Chemistry Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Verbal

Look, anyone can write about a hot guy taking off his shirt. But if he doesn’t have the personality to back it up, I’m already mentally rewriting the scene with someone who does.

Banter shows compatibility. It shows intelligence. It shows that spark. It tells me the couple knows how to communicate, and how to challenge each other—both key ingredients in building not just sexual tension, but emotional connection.

That’s why I will die on this hill: banter is foreplay because it proves they see each other clearly, and still want more. They don’t fall in love despite the sass and stubbornness—they fall in love because of it.

🎭 Banter Lets Characters Hide Their True Feelings (Until They Can’t)

One of my favorite uses of banter is emotional misdirection. Characters like Liorin (The Knight Witch) and Briar use sarcasm as armor. They flirt and tease to cover the cracks in their walls. And their love interests? They rise to meet them there, every time.

It’s the delicious moment when playful turns serious. When the joke is halfway out of their mouth but their voice catches. When the teasing slows just enough for vulnerability to slip through.

Liorin:“You talk a lot for someone who’s scared.”

Briar: “And you brood a lot for someone who clearly enjoys my company.”

(Reader: they were both blushing.)

Banter lets characters resist the pull until they’re practically vibrating with tension. And when they finally stop talking long enough to kiss? It hits so much harder. Because we’ve watched the walls fall. Piece by sarcastic piece.

📚 My Process: Writing Banter That Sizzles

Okay, so how do I actually write this?

1. I ask: What’s the power dynamic right now? Banter works best when there’s a slight imbalance—whether that’s literal (he’s royalty, she’s a thief) or emotional (she’s in denial, he’s already obsessed). That tension makes everything sharper.

2. I lean into voice. Every character has a different “banter style.” Some are arrogant and cocky (Kael). Some are playful and reckless (Eira). Some are prickly and defensive (Briar). I always ask: What are they afraid to say out loud? And how do they disguise it as a joke?

3. I don’t make every line perfect. Real banter includes interruptions, unfinished thoughts, overlapping frustration and lust. Sometimes the hottest moments are messy. Snappy. Imperfect.

4. I escalate. Banter builds like a flirt-fight. It starts with harmless jabs, then shifts into more personal, emotionally loaded digs that either explode into an argument or an unplanned kiss. Both are acceptable outcomes.

🧨 Favorite Tropes Where Banter Slaps

Let’s be real. Some tropes were made for this.

• Enemies to lovers – The holy grail. If they’re not throwing insults across a battlefield or a shared bunk bed, I’m not buying it.

• Forced proximity – Nothing like being stuck in a cabin with someone whose mouth you want to kiss and tape shut.

• Fake dating – The “pretending to flirt” phase? Just real feelings in a snarky disguise.

• Royal x rogue – Nothing hotter than a morally grey thief making a buttoned-up prince forget how to speak.

📝 Banter + Spice = Chef’s Kiss

Let’s not ignore the obvious: banter sets up the spice.

By the time my characters actually touch, there’s already so much tension built through their words, it feels inevitable. Their mouths already know the rhythm. It’s just shifting from cutting words to panting breaths. And when you go from—

“I’d rather die than kiss you.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

—to literally throwing each other against walls?

That’s not just hot. That’s earned.

💬 Banter Isn’t Just Foreplay for Characters—It’s for Readers Too

I’m going to say it: banter is reader foreplay. When you’re reading a scene and the dialogue is crackling, when the characters are toeing the line between flirtation and fury, you’re not just waiting for the kiss. You’re invested in the buildup.

You’re screaming into your pillow, highlighting your Kindle like it’s a sacred text, texting your bestie “READ THIS RIGHT NOW” at 1am.

And when that payoff comes—when they finally shut up and give in?

You feel it in your chest. Your gut. Your soul.

That’s the power of words. Of banter. Of emotional, intellectual, and sexual tension wrapped in one snarky package.

✨ Final Thoughts (and Mild Threats)

Look. You can keep your insta-love. You can keep your one-dimensional alpha males. I’ll be over here with my emotionally repressed, sarcastic, battle-worn babes who flirt like they’re preparing for war.

Give me characters who verbally spar before they fall apart. Give me kisses that interrupt arguments. Give me the tension of I hate how much I want you played out entirely through dialogue.

Because banter is foreplay. And if your enemies-to-lovers couple isn’t one snarky quip away from ripping each other’s clothes off, are they even trying?